To start with, lets clarify what the concept of Self-esteem and Self-Confidence mean? There is a widespread misconception that Self-esteem and self confidence are a static properties. This is not always true, as it can be easily proved that these properties are situational and dynamic. Even in our daily life we can easily observe that in different situations and with different people  Self -esteem and self-confidence are changing. Lets give some important points on this matter:

  •  Self esteem is not static , there is a fundament of self esteem which is based on early life experiences (usually untill age of 7), but in general it is a dynamic property
  • There are 2 kinds of situations where Self-esteem start to work opposite to your goals.

        Low self esteem : People with low self esteem tend to take far less than they deserve in life, they always think that they're not good enough for something and choos a passive stategy through their lifetime.

       High, or exagerrated Self-esteem : people with exagerrated Self-esteem often act arrogantly to others and create a negative frame, this is a very bad strategy, as eventually the society and environment tend to bring equilibrium and show such people their place. This will hurt such people very bad, as their reality crumble: they get far less than they pretended to. This is usually a compensation strategy.

  • Adequate self esteem is the ideal to which an individual should come. Such people are fully aware of their capabilities, and nobody can offend or hurt them , because they have a deep knowledge of their "price". Such people know what they want and smoothly move towards their life goals and achieve them. Such people tend to choose self-development strategy, unlike other unhealthy compensation strategies.

      In a basic situation , where for example you feel that you are not good at golf, or driving a car, after some practise and excelling in this field you will most likely gain a stable self confidence in such specific areas, however in more complex cases such behavioral strategy cannot help alone.

      So, as we mentioned earlier, there is a fundament of Self-esteem which is forming untill the age of 6-7. At the age of 6-7 usually kids start going to school ,where they see competitive environment ,and comparisons to others. They start to hear "what they are like" more often than ever, and choose particular strategies, which usually later develop into a life strategy. So ,if this strategy is negative , and you cannot achieve your goals then there is a problem of Negative Self Determination . In other words , for example there is a certain social situation where you cannot act as you wish, there is a negative discomfort in the body , and there is a negative Self Determination

which is at the root of that feeling, negative Self determination is basically a subconscious command of "how you are like" taken on automate, without any critique , it is a "label" which tells that you are weak or insecure . So, if you consider yourself "timid" or "uninteresting" in certain sutiation , the subconscious program will generate an unhealthy compensative scenario which will drive you away from your goals.

      Compensation strategy - is a defensive strategy when the feelings of inferiority, weakness and frustration in one life area, may lead to a drive to excell in another area, and when its done in an wrong way, it can make the situation even worse. This is also the cause of unhealthy relationships.

      Self therapy tools

      So, in order to solve the problem of negative self determination , you can use a technique of hypnoanalysis for negative self determination , or try a set of NLP techniques for changing of system of beliefs , where you can reprogram different negative beliefs in a short time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 Low self esteem and self confidence